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Jay-Z's 99 problems

Jay-Zs 99 problems

Jay-Z's a man with a lot of problems. We all know the thing that isn't one of them, but he's never explicitly stated what the things were that were causing him so much grief. But not to worry, we know Jay (Sean) pretty well and have recorded them all here in a comprehensive list:

 

1. Getting soufflé to rise

2. Finding a reliable plumber 3. Getting the smell of oranges off his hands

4. Transitioning to internet banking

5. 'affect' or 'effect'?

6. Long division

7. Not understanding 3D printing

8. Not being able to count to 7.

9. Gluten intolerance

10. Parallel parking

11. Global warming

12. The plight of the red squirrel

13. Poaching eggs

14. Remembering that Sydney isn't the capital of Australia

15. Unexpected rainfall

16. Kanye

17. Eczema

18. The rising cost of stamps

19. Seeded grapes

17. The pedestrianisation of Norwich city centre

20. Not knowing what comes after 19.

21. Trying not to snack between meals

22. Bedroom tax

23. Not being able to find the end of the sellotape

24. Understanding the economic implications of Greece's possible exit from the Euro

25. Hiccups

26. Finding half sizes for shoes

27. Intermediate Sudoku

28. Whether to make the switch from DVD to Blu-ray

29. Unexpected item in the bagging area

30. The objectification of women in mainstream media 31. Fluffy apples

32. Wanting to order a cocktail but being embarrassed by its gratuitously sexual name 33. Pins and needles

34. Underripe avocados

35. Overripe avocados

36. His obsession with perfectly ripe avocados

37. Feeling sleepy after lunch

38. When to use the Oxford comma

39. The meaning of life

40. Daddy longlegs

41. Really wanting a dog but knowing that his current lifestyle isn’t compatible with dog ownership

42. Rail replacement bus services

43. Not enjoying eating yoghurt as much as the women in the adverts

44. Not being able to trust contactless card payments

45. The hole in the ozone layer

46. Shin splints

47. Fixed versus variable rate mortgages

48. Is H ‘Ayche’ or ‘hayche’?

49. The m50 on a Friday.

50. Realising, once he started writing them all down in list form, just how many problems he has.

51. Flying ants

52. The western world’s overreliance on fossil fuels

53. Crumbs in the bed

54. Solange

55. Ladle - bowl on a stick, or just a big spoon?

56. Trying to get egg off of things

57. Needing the loo in the middle of the night

58. The declining bee population

59. Two day hangovers

60. Wondering how, considering he was the strongest vocalist, One Direction will cope without Zayn in the long run

61. Washing his trousers before realising there was a tissue in the pocket

62. Stress-induced twitchy eye

63. Not enjoying 'Breaking Bad' as much as everyone else

64. Calls from unknown numbers

65. Burnt toast

66. Being endorsed for skills he doesn't really have by people he doesn't really know on LinkedIn

67. The urge to call Emojis emoticons

68. Foot cramps

69. People making immature jokes about the number 69

70. Accidentally 'replying all'

71. Never knowing how much water to cook rice with

72. Mosquitoes

73. Meaning to buy tuna in spring water but accidentally buying it in brine

74. Finding his AIB card reader

75. People responding ‘maybe’ to Facebook events invites

76. Any of the new Star Wars films

77. Tickly cough

78. Secretly needing stabilisers on his bike

79. The increasing gap between rich and poor

80. Clammy hands

81. People putting milk back in the fridge when there's only a tiny bit left

82. Male pattern baldness

83. Whether it makes fiscal sense to buy an annual train ticket

84. Opening the dishwasher before it's done

85. Insufficient legroom at the theatre

86. Sunday drivers

87. Feeling quite indifferent to Marmite

88. Having to split the bill evenly after a group meal despite only drinking water and Derek having four Daiquiris

89. How to pronounce ‘scone’

90. Worrying that he doesn’t suit hats

91. The Luas works at the minute

92. Having a door held open for him from some distance away, meaning he’s forced into an awkward sort of jog walk

93. Sinusitis

94. His UPC not recording Great British Bakeoff when he went to the trouble of setting it up

95. Ambiguous toilet door signs in restaurants

96: In Lady and The Tramp, 3 of their puppies look like Lady, and 1 looks like Tramp. Really, they’d be crossbreeds

97. Going for a jog and getting a stitch

98. Breaking in new flip flops

99. Wanting to start collecting garden gnomes, but given his reputation, wondering if they might be a bit kitsch.

 

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back to school time

As the summer holidays come to a close *sigh*, it’s time to get school bags packed and organise the little ones for their big year ahead.

To help make homework time a bit more fun (sorry to all you teachers out there), our Ciara made a lovely pencil holder out of one of our carafes.

Purrrfect for all your pens and colouring pencils.

 

What you’ll need:

An empty juice carafe (make sure you’ve given it a good scrub).

Some glue.

A marker.

Some fancy bits and bobs for decorating like stick-on eyes, paper, stickers, paint or fake feathers.

A scissors.

An adult to help you out with those tricky scissors.

 

Step 1: Use a marker to mark out on the bottle where you want to cut out the top of your pencil holder.

Step 2: Ask an adult to use the scissors to cut along the marker lines.

Step 3: Now is the time to get creative and decorate your pencil holder. The choice is yours...maybe you want a scary monster or a wild multi-coloured tiger.

And there you have it, the purrfect holder for your pens and pencils. Geddit? Cat? Purrfect? No? Never-mind.

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Good things happening in the world

Hole in one for Japan. 

It seems there are plans to turn an unfinished golf course into a solar energy farm in Kyoto. 

The abandoned golf course, with its wide open spaces and lack of shade, is the perfect place for solar panels to soak up the sun’s energy. 

It’s estimated enough energy will be generated to power a whopping 8100 homes.

You can read more about it here: http://www.independent.co.uk/environment/japan-is-turning-abandoned-golf-courses-into-solar-farms-to-solve-its-energy-problems-10379109.html

 

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4 Minutes, 4 Questions

We caught up with some of the newest members in Fruit Towers this week to get to know them (and their spirit fruit) a bit better.

Name: John

Fruit Name: Perky Pineapple

What I do in Fruit Towers: I’m a Field Sales Developer. I drive a grassy van and get our drinks into our drinkers’ local shops from North Co. Dublin all the way to Belfast.

 

 

1)      We all know that everyone has their own spirit animal but what would your ‘spirit fruit’ be?

Have to be a mango because I'm happiest in the sun and I'm sweet and delicious inside.

2)      What’s your favourite colour?
Red.

3)      Tell us an interesting fact about yourself?
Back packed for 1 and a half years around South America and Asia.

4)      Aside from working with the rest of the Dub Towers team, what is your favourite part about working at innocent?
You don't need a suit to sell. 

 

Name: Eamon

Fruit Name: Robo-berry Cop

What I do in Fruit Towers: I’m also a Field Sales Developer. I drive a grassy van and get our drinks into our drinkers’ local shops in Dublin and Leinster.

1)      What’s your spirit fruit?

I am like a pear it will take a little bit of time for me to ripen but when I do, I am really enjoyable, full of juice and just waiting to be taken to the picnic.

2)      What’s your favourite colour?

My favourite colour is blue, goes with all the good things in life, blue skies, the big blue sea.

3)      Tell us an interesting fact about yourself?

I am a windsurfing and sailing instructor and have taught various people across Europe. I worked as an instructor for 6 years during the summer in between college.

4)      Aside from working with the rest of the Dub Towers team, what is your favourite part about working at innocent?

Driving the grassy van around. The reaction I get in the van can vary from shock and awe to laughter and astonishment. It doesn’t matter how young or old the person is when they see it, there is nearly always a reaction.

 

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Cool coconuts

While the sun seems to have left us temporarily, we like to remain optimistic here at Fruit Towers. While we await the big yellow orb in the sky to make its return, we’ve been getting prepared by making these fruity, naturally hydrating ice pops. There’s a COOL idea. Geddit? Ice lollies? Cold? COOL idea? Nevermind.  

Have a go at the recipe below, here’s what you’ll need:

 

  • 1 litre of coconut water
  • Fresh berries of your choice. We used 2 kiwis, 200g of strawberries and 200g of raspberries but you can use whatever tickles your fancy. Don’t forget to add in some extra for essential snacking.
  • 8 plastic ice pop moulds OR you can go DIY and use plastic cups and popsicle sticks.

 

 

Once you have all your tasty ingredients chopped and at the ready you can get down to making your ice pops.

All you have to do is place whatever mixture of fruit chunks you want in the mould or plastic cup and pour in your coconut water. Just make sure there’s enough coconut water in the mould so that the fruit chunks will freeze together in one ice pop shaped ice cube.

Pop them in the freezer and after 2-3 hours you’ll have a tasty, fruity, hydrating ice pop to cool you down after a day in the sun. Easy peasy.

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